loner

since yesterday, i've been holding some negative thoughts inside of me and that's not good and it feels super strange to me, so i've been questioning myself since then. i might talk with my own self in this note. because idk lets try

a part of me enjoys those thoughts because it was like an enlightment for me, where I realised I didn't deserve horrible attitude from someone i saw as a friend, that I wasn't a trash for anyone to only come and throw their anger & sadness at me when they’re in need, and ask for favors anytime they want and disappear most of the time that is left, that I shouldn't surround myself with people that don't support things i do, don't try see the greatness & also do stuff that bring me down..

yeah and somehow i thought the thoughts above was a moment of ‘realising the negativity' and the fact that I'm walking away from it is a good sign, that i've learned to let go of bad stuff that i had not wanted to break earlier, just because i gave it a title of a good friendship.

anyway, come back to how i felt yesterday, i didnt feel good, because i realised that when i walked away, i didn't just go with a fresh mind, i hold anger inside of me, so now whenever anyone touches that ‘anger zone' in me, i'd turn to this angry bitch that says completely hurtful stuff, even i got shocked myself :))

anyway,

maybe that angry bitch is a part of me anyway you know, i'm actually learning her and i'm okay with her haha, i aint an angel, everything happens for a reason. i just wanna make sure that i let peace visit that ‘ anger zone ‘ today, and talk with whatever that is inside that part of me, haha, that...

“that was enough, guys, let's move on, let's wipe this floor clean and take off the boundary that says “Anger Zone”, let's go out and play with everything outside..Whatever happened, happened.. you guys don't have to feel bad because of your actions, the rest of us forgive you, you reached your limit thats why, but you know you didn't feel good in the end of the day by pushing all your anger into words like that, right? so do more of what you feel good, okk, now let's make a reunionnn"

just imagining that silly conversation of me helping myself, i feel like myself again... life's good again..