beginnings

“Is your favourite colour blue? Do you always tell the truth? Do you believe in outer space? I'm learning you"

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I have this idea in my head of how I'd spend my time learning about someone. You know, the feelings when you actually care ENOUGH to put the efforts and get to know someone at a deeper level. It's not something common in this world we're in, come on, admit it. People don't really get to know each other no more. They get in together by spreading some likes, sending some memes, texts are overrated, over-do, over-analysed ( which sounds like me btw).. This is why i'm absolutely disappointed about my natural being lol.


A part of me is too ‘adventurous' I think I am superrr funny and I love to joke, like a lot, I can be super flirty time to time ^^ I always feel weird if I share my thoughts too much to someone new, as my thoughts - they are often vulnerable, weak, tooo unrealistic, tooo hopelessly romantic lol - which explains perfectly the other parts of me. Ugh, I dont think i'm very different tho, I think everyone has struggles defining themselves, the key is to accept that you are a beautiful creature - which - also means, there's no short way to describe you. We're all learning ourselves right. We are beyond definitions.


Anyway, back to ‘beginnings', I'm gonna start on new things, again, sick of myself being unable to ‘settle down'. I mean, what is ‘settling down' anyway right? But yeah, sometimes it's pressuring af seeing people staying in jobs & relationships, it's like i'm 60% happy for them, 20% happy for myself for having so much ‘ freedom' in term of making decisions, and 20% I AM LOST AF SEEING THOSE THINGS. Of course Ive read it, I got it, that numbers mean nothing, you dont have to achieve anything by any certain age, but you know, still, we feel the pressures, sometimes, somehow, even if no one pushes.


I crave for that ‘beginnings' when we're not jumping in feeling lost. I'm searching for that feeling, but how right? beginnings are supposed to be unpredictable. call me crazy, I am.

I always write things here, because it's just a random page i create, i dont have to make any sense, because I am not expected to do so.. One day i'll read these thoughts again and i'll go ‘mannn, thanks God I know what I am doing now ' ( yes, very hopeful ) ..


It's ok to doubt things right, I think being positive is accepting the fact that you can get negative sometimes, and learn to live with it in a more positive way, what a mess of words right ^^ and how are you doing? Do you remember feeling stuck on a situation which seemed to be impossible to deal with, months ago? And we're here, totally over that struggle, we've made it through guys. Meaning, we will, make - it - through, again & again.

C'on then, surprise me, life, surprise me, kim, surprise me, everyone.



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a silly photo of me in a very very silly place where i was even sillier when i first came.

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©2019 by Kim Chi Sun & JMG Melancholy