i'm looking at you now and i feel like crying and smiling at the same time,

i mean, this is insane..


and we're not even arguing..

literally you're cooking while singing random tunes for me.

am i being emotional as i'm too hungry for the food? haha

or is it the songs you're singing? no way, you're smiling at me while singing sad lyrics, if this was the ‘everyday' me - who loves discussing music & being a bit aggressive when it comes to criticizing singers who don't sing like they mean it... ok i'm complicating stuff again haha, let's go back...

so if this was me everyday, i would already be criticizing you in my head, so definitely i'm not moved by how you're singing half-assed-ly right now..

it's just a sudden feeling i guess.. while you're on a sunny sunday, not thinking of anything, having nothing to look forward to for the day, and just in that damn.. ‘doing nothing’ kind of moment, a voice in your head says: “Look, Kim, look, that beautiful thing over there, that loving person being silly over there, and this moment, the fact that everything's happening the way it is, isn't it love? isn't it precious? isn't it somewhat what you asked for years ago”

Let me name this feeling ..’you', because i don't wanna call it ‘love', that doesn't sound as special as you.

Wow.. i still remember last Saturday i came home after a busy day at work, found myself crying nonstop and complaining to you about anything i could came up with, it was when the taste of failure hit me (again), when it was so clear to me in my head ‘omg you're still the same as last year, you have the same wishes, same goals to work on, what've you been doing Kim??”.. Of course, it was somewhat true, and that's just sad, that's why I cried so hard, I did not want to admit that, but half of me also knew that I wasn't putting my 100%, so it felt better just to shed some tears, and some more, some more... and my ‘current special one' was just lying on the couch watching me changing through all the possible moods that I could act, and he did it so well (50% because he still managed to look good haha), he seemed too calm which lowkey annoyed me, but what moved me was the fact that he simply listened to my long, complicated speech, told by my shaky crying voice, then he reminded me about things I did, achievements i've gained last year that inspired him too ( which I had to note in the last note, actually, to read again when i doubt myself again).. He knew I did not need more ‘expert’s advices' on that moody Saturday (though he did gave me a bunch of self-improvement tips the next day when i already forgot about that topic, ugh, wateverrrrr) . Thank you, boo!

Gotta note all these thoughts down here as I appreciate how everything's happening a lot, both the goods & the bads. You're my ‘current someone' but isn't it right that if i still call you that way, it means you're still in my ‘now', and you're still here, and we're still together? Let's start from there! (forever is overrated, peeps)

Anyway, it feels better now to know that, some ‘Sunday' like today..will come & give you feelings that you've been craving, and make you forget that Saturday crying for a while..

Think i'm going to call my Mom&Dad now to check how they're preparing for Tết, then double-check with my brother & sister if they've researched about Thailand well for our coming trip, cuz unfortunately their sweetest, cutest (and only) sister is busy writing stuff online she doesn't even go on Google and search herself hahaa... Then i'll text my besties to confirm if they're still fine, andddd are in the mood to work on the goals we talked about last year, and if the jobs are treating them well, let's start from there!

Actually before that, I have to go and get the dishes ready first, he's finished the cooking, yummyyyyyyyyyyyy

Excited for Monday (not) , hit me with your craziness, Monday! haha.


stay inspired, guys.


©2019 by Kim Chi Sun & JMG Melancholy